Ten steps for reducing harmful parental conflict

1. Understand that conflict matters, but not all conflict is harmful.

2. Identify how arguments can be harmful and negatively impact on children, examining how it is, or will, affect the well being of children.

3. Specify the behaviours and flash points or triggers that cause conflict.

4. Reflect on the feelings behind conflict.

5. Reflect on the different scripts, narratives, values and personalities that can contribute to conflict.

6. Discover that the feelings towards the ex-partner can be separated from opinions about them as a parent.

7. Learn how the other parent has different motivations, thoughts and positions regarding parenting and the child arrangements.

8. Decide to co-parent or parallel-parent with a business-like approach.

9. Focus on finding more positive ways to communicate with the other parent about the child arrangements.

10. Agree how to resolve disputes and work within a co-parenting plan.

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